Sometimes I feel fake, or maybe a "two-faced gay" is more like it. As I mentioned in response to another one of your articles, I "tone down" my gayness when around my parents and other family.
They don't support my writing, so there's little danger in their reading my blog or listening to the podcast. If they do, well... I guess the gay pussy (cat) is out of the bag.
Dan, as always, your honesty is refreshing! Only you can decide who you want to open up to and to what extent. As a young author (old person, new to writing) I struggled with impostor syndrome A LOT (okay, I still do). Last summer I attended an author conference and attended Becca Syme's presentation. And something she said really hit - "Impostors don't get impostor syndrome." I think the same is true for you. Sometimes you struggle with feeling "fake" - but the fact that you struggle with that says that you are NOT fake. Staying married doesn't make you fake, it makes you a caring human that talked to his spouse and together worked on a way forward. You don't have to let everyone in your life in on everything going on to be living your authentic life. I don't share with everyone the emotional abuse in my marriage. That doesn't mean I'm not being authentic, it means not everyone needs to know that side of me.
I’ve struggled with this too. I came out later in life and really didn’t know where/if I fit in gay culture.
Part of the problem was gay representation at the time. The only images I saw were from 3 second clips of gay pride parades on the evening news. I didn’t identify with the drag queen float and I didn’t identify with the leather floats (that’s since changed 🤭).
I’m not a bar person so I had to make connections in other ways. It’s difficult when you don’t conform to what’s expected of a gay guy.
I say any man who tells you you’re a “fake” gay just wants to get with you. Always be polite and thank them. ;)
As for what plays out in your own mind? Just another flavor of imposter syndrome. I can’t see the “fake” in a man living his truth.
Sometimes I feel fake, or maybe a "two-faced gay" is more like it. As I mentioned in response to another one of your articles, I "tone down" my gayness when around my parents and other family.
They don't support my writing, so there's little danger in their reading my blog or listening to the podcast. If they do, well... I guess the gay pussy (cat) is out of the bag.
Dan, as always, your honesty is refreshing! Only you can decide who you want to open up to and to what extent. As a young author (old person, new to writing) I struggled with impostor syndrome A LOT (okay, I still do). Last summer I attended an author conference and attended Becca Syme's presentation. And something she said really hit - "Impostors don't get impostor syndrome." I think the same is true for you. Sometimes you struggle with feeling "fake" - but the fact that you struggle with that says that you are NOT fake. Staying married doesn't make you fake, it makes you a caring human that talked to his spouse and together worked on a way forward. You don't have to let everyone in your life in on everything going on to be living your authentic life. I don't share with everyone the emotional abuse in my marriage. That doesn't mean I'm not being authentic, it means not everyone needs to know that side of me.
Thank you for sharing this with the world, Dan.
I’ve struggled with this too. I came out later in life and really didn’t know where/if I fit in gay culture.
Part of the problem was gay representation at the time. The only images I saw were from 3 second clips of gay pride parades on the evening news. I didn’t identify with the drag queen float and I didn’t identify with the leather floats (that’s since changed 🤭).
I’m not a bar person so I had to make connections in other ways. It’s difficult when you don’t conform to what’s expected of a gay guy.