It’s Friday night and my afternoon nap wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be so I’m a bit out of sorts. I found myself gravitating toward writing even though posting two posts in a day is insanity and also, since it’s Friday night, no one will probably see it. But that’s ok because as much as I appreciate you all, dear readers, I’m doing this for me and for no one else.
Today I found out that I could trade in my current iPhone and get the new iPhone 16 Pro for only $7 per month. Granted, I’m locked into a three year contract, but it’s not like I’m going to be leaving Verizon soon anyway. I knew that it would be a hard sell because my partner is very anti-getting new phones due in no small part to the exploitation of kids in the Democratic Republic of Congo who mine the cobalt for the batteries in our phones (among other things.) They believe very strongly that not buying them is the only thing sending a message, and honestly, I have a hard time arguing with that. Anyway, the conversation about getting a new phone took a hard turn when they asked me “can you tell me why you want a new phone?” and my answer was “because I want one.”
And that’s the thing. I have no real reason to get a new phone. My phone is fine, it functions. Sure the battery doesn’t last as long as it used to and for some reason my AirPods are refusing to stay connected to it for longer than 30 seconds, although I’m not convinced that’s an iPhone problem because other Bluetooth enabled devices stay connected just fine. I think what has happened is that a new phone is just the latest in a long line of things that I have been fixated on that will make me happy. I know better than this, but sometimes it’s hard to remember.
As I mentioned in this morning’s post, I sometimes feel like all I do is go to work and sleep - and while that is stretching the truth there are days it definitely feels like the truth. I feel like I am constantly working my ass off and never have fun. I thought surely by the age of 52 I would be free of some of the debt that saddled my early life. We are making sure and steady progress on it, but it still sometimes seems like every last penny goes to bills, with nothing left over for fun. And I thought if I could get a new phone for $7 a month, maybe that would go a little ways toward making me enjoy life a little bit.
But in talking with my partner, I realize that’s a fallacy. What I’m doing is finding “things” to replace what I really need - to be doing the work on myself to make me a better version of myself, one that doesn’t need to spend money on stuff just to feel good about myself. It’s about filling that gap within oneself that I talked about yesterday. And the easy things to do is find material things in an attempt to do just that.
What would make me happy? That’s a really good question. As I get older I realize that what would really make me happier is getting better control of my physical health. I mean, the immediate result of that is I get to be around long enough to at least try to be happy. I lack a consistent exercise program and a lot of days my diet is just terrible. I’m trying to make small steps to improve that. I also think that getting a better handle on my mental health - something that I’ve been working on as long as I can remember - would be helpful.
Who knows, but I know that the key to happiness is definitely not an iPhone 16 Pro, even though I desperately want it to be. For now I’m following my daughter’s advice and giving it 72 hours. If I still feel like doing it in 72 hours, then there’s probably something to it. On the other hand, if I completely forget about it, there’s high odds that it wasn’t really what I wanted in the first place.