I’ve been thinking a lot about loneliness these days. Let’s be honest, I feel like the pandemic did a real number on my in person relationships. And even now, as things are moving to a more normalized state, I struggle to reconnect with people that I once saw with relative ease and frequency. A part of me knows that it’s because the pandemic traumatized pretty much everyone in ways large and small, whether they want to admit to it or not. I am so much more of a homebody than I ever was before. Loneliness is a tough nut to crack because there’s this temptation to seek something external to fill that emptiness that I think a lot of us feel these days. We were separated physically and for many of us, we’re now separated from each other politically. I know that I’m afraid to even bring up politics, even with people I agree with, even though as a gay man, politics are very real to me. To say I am not a fan of this timeline is putting it mildly.
But honestly, the best commentary on this sort of thing comes from Stevie Nicks, like that should surprise anyone. It’s a song that has been in heavy rotation recently – “Planets of the Universe.” It’s one of my favorite Stevie Nicks songs, one that has been around since the Rumours days, but finally found a home on 2000’s Trouble in Shangri-La. It is angry and biting and, naturally, mostly about Lindsey Buckingham. Not having been in a relationship with Lindsey Buckingham, it has broader meaning for me. When I am at my loneliest, when it feels like the world has shut off just when I’m wanting interaction and there’s just no having it, I take a lot of solace in this song. Because here’s what Stevie says:
And the planets of the universe
Go their way
Not astounded by the sun or the moon
Or by the day
You and I will simply disappear
Out of sight
But I’m afraid soon there’ll be
No light
What it says to me is that we are all just like those planets. Sometimes our orbits cross or approach each other, but in the end, we are all on our own path. The best that we can hope for is to share a sun and that we stay in each other’s sight, because ultimately, we have to do it on our own. I think it’s really easy to fall into the trap of believing that others will fill the “gap” that almost everyone feels. Maybe for some, it does, however ephemerally. But I think for the vast majority of us, the other people are really like the other planets – in their own orbits. I think the best marriages are made of two people whose orbits intersect but remain their own, bouncing off an energy that encourages them to live their lives while still keeping the other in sight.
Sometimes I feel like the people in my life are out of sight of my orbit. It’s frustrating and I’m not sure how to fix it. Perhaps it’s because my orbit has shifted, or maybe theirs has. I don’t know…maybe I’m overthinking it, something I definitely have a history of doing. But then again, we could just be momentarily out of sight of each other. I know that in the last few years, a lot of relationships I considered lost suddenly reappeared. Even as recently as this week, a relationship I was sure I destroyed because of my own stupidity, was reaffirmed in the a most unexpected way. Patience is a virtue.
Tangentially related to this is there’s a great extended album remix of “Planets of the Universe” on the CD maxi-single (the song was a #1 dance hit for Stevie due to the remixes lol). This extended version is criminally not streaming anywhere that I can find so I guess I’m glad I bought that CD single back in the day!
(PS, this is my second post this week, so I am keeping to my promise of posting twice a week in September.)
"naturally, mostly about Lindsey Buckingham" but of COURSE it is! :D Interesting analogy to the orbits of planets. I feel the same way about relationships, but I always imagined it as driving down a freeway. You'll drive about the same speed with other cars in your periphery, some cars zoon past, others the group passes. Some cars from your group take an exit, others join the group when they come from the on ramp. Sometimes you're driving alone, sometimes there's a LOT of cars around. I can't figure how to add "everyone drives the best they can when the highway patrol is in sight" to this analogy, though :D I've always been a homebody, having few (or sometimes even one) friend(s) I meet up with on a regular basis, so socially the pandemic didn't affect me that much. Existential dread and the realization of my own mortality was the big thing. As far as politics go, I'm thankful no one in my "orbit" has views opposed to mine. Thank you Democratic parents :D